For someone who’s never really been much of a “shoe person” and lives mostly in combat boots, I didn’t expect a pre-move shoe purge to be as difficult as it was.
So many memories came with each box I opened.
Ah yes, these are the shoes my husband hates because I always complain how uncomfortable they are (Don’t worry, babe—they’re in the “donate” pile!). And these? I posed beneath a banyan tree in Lahaina in these sandals on my honeymoon. And I met two of my ex-boyfriends wearing these, my very first pair of shit-kicker boots. Oh, and these? These…..are…still nestled in a box, along with the receipt, never worn. Whoops. Here are my sweet flame shoes from a late nineties dELiA*s catalog. And this pair over here? I changed into these heels in an airport bathroom, before meeting a former boyfriend (in person) for the very first time. This pair still has granules of black sand lodged into the soles from a trip to a black sand beach in Maui. These pumps over here got a lot of attention at a male-dominated workplace holiday party. And this pair? I married the love of my life wearing these.
And so on.
Most of the memories were very happy or even funny…but, as I continued, they soon became clouded.
Oh! I LOVE these! But…how comfortable are these really going to be, now that my MS can sometimes cause fatigue in my legs if I’m standing for very long periods of time? How can I feel comfortable safely strutting in these sky-high heels, now that my MS has made my balance juuuust off-kilter enough? And my bones! What if I fall? My body has the structural integrity of uncooked pasta!
Maybe it’s the fact that I did this shoe purge at 5 a.m. Maybe it’s because I assign great value to inanimates, based on the history attached to them. Or maybe seeing a box full of beloved high heels ready for donation—and I mean actually SEEING it in front of me—forces me to realize that a chapter may be closing. Maybe. I mean, MS bloggers have written about this before…
But damn, that sucked.
Whatever the case may be, I’m keeping my dELiA*s flame shoes, dammit.